He Wanted to be Loved

He loved. He lost. He cried. He loved again. He lost again. He cried again. His only mistake was he wanted to be loved.

Out in this big, crowded and messy world, two people meets unintentionally and suddenly they feel drastic change in themselves. They get attracted towards each other. They start doing things for each other. They start to create and share beautiful moments together. They start imagining their life with each other for the lifetime. They find bloom of happiness in every corner. But on one fine day the bloom is gone. The happiness is gone. The promises get broken. The dreams get shattered.

Some cheat in their relationship thinking they always deserved better. Some abuse other in their relationship. Some dominates other partner. Some cry after their break up and they cry a river till they finally realize they were not good for them or they make themselves understand that not every relationship have happily ever after type story. But before all of these they all gets one feeling that is above everything that is to be loved by someone.

But what a person will do who, in his whole life, never know how its feel to be loved. How it feels to be cared by someone. When people give surprises to you, when people remembers small things about you, when they fight with you to wish you first on your birthday. When they smile while seeing you. When somebody plans a future with you. When someone makes memories with you. When someone spare there time to talk to you, when someone spends their very special day only with you. When you say I love you to someone and you get I love you more in reply. 

He never felt these things. He never felt special enough and slowly this popped a thought in his mind that might be he is incapable of love. And this feeling of incapability doesn’t came alone, it brought the deepest and darkest insecurities along. He start saying those things which he didn’t want anyone else to say to him even in his dreams. He started self-doubting, criticizing himself, he started to belittle himself and his self-confidence started decreasing. He started to self loathe and feeling guilty for everything.

But one day, when he was surrounded with guilt and wanted to end everything, someone turned up as a blessing in disguise. With whom he just feel everything perfect in place. She started to give him the feeling for which he have always waited for. Sometimes he seen himself blushing with a mere thought of her. He started to believe that he is also special and everyone who doesn’t value him just don’t know how to love. He handed her a part of himself, which she could break anytime but he give it to her anyway with the trust that she won’t break it. He started to unload the love which was stored in him for so long. He started to flourish a great bond and a great relationship and he admitted his feelings in front of her. And suddenly he found that it was only a dream. He was still incapable of love. Even if he does everything for anyone he was never enough.
 

When this happens, you will start craving for love and watching them walk away. You will think for once that might be they were not that one but somewhere inside, you will ask yourself why I am never enough. Why people chose someone else every time when I do everything for them? Why I couldn’t be the hero just fucking once?

But you feel one thing in that time of disappointments, If loving someone with your everything is wrong, then yes I am happy to be wrong, if wanting to spend your life with someone is wrong, if thinking about a future with them is wrong, if doing things to make them happy is wrong then I am happily wrong. I don’t have regrets for loving you with my everything and never ever think this as your capability or charms. I am a person who can love anyone like this because I have so much love stored in me. If there was someone else I would have loved them the same way. It’s your fault that you missed it. 

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